Love may be what makes the world go ’round, but every February 14, Valentine’s Day has a way of knocking that sentiment right off it’s happy little axis.

On this very day that represents love, many of us find ourselves focusing more on hating the day than we do on all the things we have to love in our lives.

Loving to hate Valentine’s Day.

Based on my very non-scientific research, there appears to be a well defined and much talked about love/hate relationship with this holiday reserved for celebrating love.

Those on the hate side of Valentine’s Day use words like hate, loath, and dread to describe their feelings about this holiday of love, roses, chocolates and Cupid. You can read more about what they had to say here, here, here, here, here and here.

We get it.
You. Hate. Valentine’s. Day.

Well, we think it’s time for you to give V-day and yourself a break from all the hate, and maybe, just maybe, even take a peek at learning to love it just a little.

So what do you say? If you’re one of those people who dreads Valentine’s Day, let go of the hate and the negative emotions you like to give to this holiday of love.

It’s Valentine’s Day. Accept it, embrace it, make friends with it.

I’m pretty sure this day of celebrating love is here to stay, so it’s time for you to change your relationship with it. Come on, you can do it.

The bottom line is…

You get to choose what this day, Valentine’s Day, represents for you.

Let it represent love, in whatever way you want to experience it — whether you’re attached, single or oddly somewhere in between.

And if you’re feeling like no one loves you, for what it’s worth, I don’t even know you and I love you. I know, kind of weird, but simply the truth.

So from my heart to yours, let’s be Valentine’s. Cool?

We promised ourselves the last time would be the last time we’d ask for that thing, that thing that we’d asked for so many times already. Whether it’s money or a visit or a favor or whatever that thing is that seems far too big to ask,

We just. can’t. ask. again

– not even just one more time.

And we desperately don’t want to have to ask. We want to be able to handle things on our own. We want to be proud of ourselves, and we want those who have helped us in the past to be proud of us too. To know that we can stand on our own two feet.

Pride sucks because

Sometimes, we need to be brave enough to ask for help anyway. No. Matter. What.

No matter what they will think.
No matter how we will feel.

We have to ask no matter what, swallowing our pride if that’s what it takes, because we matter and it matters that much.

And because sometimes the consequences of not asking are far greater than the consequences of asking, even if it’s one more time.

This sucks too, asking one more time. But odds are, even if the people you are asking hoped last time would be the last time too, they’ll be really glad you asked again.

Because it matters that much to you and you matter that much to them.
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Here are five of my top go-to strategies for being happy and successful and making smooth transitions at any stage of life.

#1 Stand up for yourself and what you believe in — and know what you believe in.

Standing up for yourself and what you believe in educates the world on what you will and will not accept in regards to how they treat you, and it can arm you with tools to set a situation straight when it doesn’t feel right to you. Sometimes, this is simply about making a choice — saying “no” to something that doesn’t feel right or takes you off your desired path, even if saying “no” is scary.

And in order to stand up for what you believe in, you have to know what you believe. Start paying attention to what matters to you and really get curious about it. Make sure that the beliefs you are standing up for are your own and not just something you inherited or copied from someone else.

#2 Realize that life is about choices — make choices that ring true to your soul, every time.

There is so much power in realizing that life is about the choices you make. We can make good choices and bad choices, and yes, you will make both.

Own all of the choices you make and do the best you can to always make the best, most true choices for you. Oh, and let’s not forget that not making a choice is, ultimately, a choice, but when you don’t choose, you just may be leaving the door open for someone else to choose for you.

Your soul will ALWAYS help you make good choices. Listen to your soul and then follow it — as often as you can.

#3 Don’t wait for tomorrow — be an active participant in your life TODAY.

Make every today count. Be awake and aware to the things and people that are present in your life right now. Or as I like to say, “Live in the what-is.”

Source: NotSalmon.com
View image and full message.

If you spend every today thinking about how you can make tomorrow better, your life WILL pass you by. So be aware of tomorrow, but live in today — make all of your actions conscious and intentional.

My life coach once said something to me that made so much sense when it comes to being present and fully engaged in the present. This is what she said,

“If every choice you make today is authentic for you,
then why do you have to worry about tomorrow?
Won’t it just take care of itself?”

#4 If it’s not working, change it — as soon as possible and whatever it is.

Large or small, whatever it is, if it’s not working, stop. And I mean now, as soon as it starts to feel bad or off or just wrong. If it’s not working now, it’s not likely to start working simply because you give it a little more time or just one more chance.

Let. It. Go. Whatever it is for you. That thing that you are hanging on to, settling for, fighting to change — even though no matter what you try it just doesn’t fit or isn’t getting better. Start looking at your options and considering what other choices may be available to you.

It’s really pretty simple. If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something different. It’s your choice. Choose to stay? Stop complaining — about how bad things are or how hurt you are or how unfair things are.

And if you’re not sure, yet, imagine Dr. Phil standing in front of you and asking, with a smirk on his face and sarcasm in his voice, “How’s that workin’ for ya?”

#5 Be completely honest with yourself — always, no matter what.

In all areas of your life, always look at the whole truth of every situation, every encounter, every relationship and every choice — even (or maybe especially) the parts of the truth you don’t want to believe.

We lie to ourselves all the time about things that are going on in our lives. We make all sorts of excuses for the things and people in our lives rather than telling ourselves the truth about them, because we don’t like the answers that the truth will tell us. But the lies don’t help us. They trap us.

So know the truth, embrace the truth, live the truth, because as it has been said, the truth will set you free.
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Featured image credit: Ordinary Abundance

I don’t know you very well, but apparently, you recently came to visit me.

You see, I couldn’t seem to get any work done in my office, and eventually, I realized…

Having my back to the door meant every time I sat down to work I was turning my back on the world — and on the exact people I claimed I wanted to touch with my work.

Holy crap. Really?

I had searched for months for just the right desk.

That desk was going to make me feel like the creative and passionate business woman that I am. After I found that desk, I spent several days playing with and testing out different positions for the desk within my new sun room-turned-office. I wanted it all to be just right.

Then…Eureka! I pushed the desk up against the back wall. That was it. I would create my legacy in the world sitting at my just-right desk while happily facing to look out upon the world through my nice, new, big office windows. I couldn’t imagine a better set up for someone like me who loves the outdoors.

I imagined all the work I would accomplish and all the lives I would change at that desk.

Every time I sat down at my desk, loads of energizing natural light would pour in through the large windows that span the back wall of the office.

As I worked, I would look out over the lovely little set of woods just beyond the glass, soaking in the beauty and life of the sunshine and trees and gleefully enjoying the occasional visit from a Hawk or other small wildlife alighting or scurrying past on a tree limb in front of me.

It would be sort of like working in a tree house. That sounded good, even right. I was ready. Things were perfect.

But apparently, I Could. Not. Have. Been. More. WRONG.

I couldn’t get a thing done. Pretty much every time I sat down at the desk to work, I was overcome by distraction. I’m talking the you-name-it-I’m-distracted-by-it kind of distraction.

It was a bit, shall I say, disastrous and quite unproductive. I couldn’t stay focused for the life of me. I lacked clarity and confidence and courage to start on and/or finish the myriad of very important things that I continued to add to my mental to-do list. Let’s just say I was going nowhere fast.

Then, click. The a-ha moment.

Every time I sit down at the desk, I am turning my back on the very world and the very people I long to serve.

I knew what I had to do. And the minute I turned the desk around, everything felt better – immediately better. And right. Really right. It still felt like a treehouse, but now, I was sitting in the trees instead of looking out at them.

And then it happened. Feng Shui, we have a problem.

Everything was perfect with my new office arrangement except the glare from the windows on my computer screen. I’ve been tolerating it for a couple of days now, but I can’t keep working like this.

And guess what? If I really look at the glare instead of trying to look past it, do you know what I see?

The beauty and life of the sunshine and trees and the blue, blue sky. I love that I can still see all of that outdoorsy beauty while facing in the right direction for prosperity and productivity and sharing my message, but do you know what this new discovery equals for me?

You guessed it. D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N!

So what now, oh wise Feng Shui?

WTH is the Feng Shui way to address the quite-inviting-and-lovely-yet-disturbingly-distracting glare on my computer screen that was created, ultimately, by my attempt to Feng Shui in the first place? Please, please, just answer this for me so I can, again, get un-distracted and back to work!

Sincerely and thank you — and keeping it real,
Shannon

P.S. I have been dealing with the glare the entire time I’ve been writing — or trying to write — this letter, and it has been very, very distracting. Please, come quickly with a solution!
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Now it’s your turn!
I don’t know how quickly Fung Shei will get back to me on this, so I’m looking for suggestions on how to resolve this problem. Please Like, Share, Comment, Chant, or whatever it takes, just share your suggestions and invite others along too!

I’ll be checking back every five minutes to see who has made suggestions, because I’m distracted and that’s what distracted people do. Unless, of course, I get distracted by walking the dog, doing laundry, playing Words with Friends, or incessantly checking email, Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks for being here! And truly, I’d love your suggestions.

Interested in checking out Feng Shui for yourself? Check out this article for 10 common feng shui booby traps and how to avoid them.

Image Credit: greatdad.com and Daddy’s Home, the creation of designer Gary Markstein and New York-based writer and illustrator Anthony Rubino Jr. See the full comic image here.

Did you ever play connect the dots as a kid?

Until you learned about and understood the process of drawing the lines from dot to dot, that page of dots really had no meaning, no clear purpose. It was simply a bunch of dots.

It was only after you learned to connect the dots, and began to connect — dot to dot to dot, that the purpose of the dots, the meaning of the dots, began to appear.

And with each new line you drew, each new dot you connected, the picture, the sole purpose for each of those dots — and all of the dots together, began to make sense.

Each of those dots alone could exist only as a dot, but then the magic would happen.

With the intentional and methodical connecting of all of the dots together, with each new line, their most important purpose, their true meaning became more and more clear. Until, finally, with excitement and wonder, you no longer saw a page of disconnected dots but a lovely, purposeful image.

Life is like connect-the-dots.

I remember when I was in my late 20s saying to my mom one day,

“You know, I have all of the right pieces (in my life,)
but there’s nothing holding them all together,
making them cohesive, nothing that makes it all matter.”

As far could tell, I was doing everything in life the way it was supposed to be done. I was ticking away at the timeline of life — High school, College, Corporate Job, Big City. Check, check, check, check.

I had a great job with great pay, great benefits and great co-workers, a nice place to live, a large circle of close friends, and I had started exploring the world of travel.

If you’re talking dots, those are some pretty good dots, and they made for a pretty good life.

The only problem with my dots was that, no matter how great they were, they were all just kind of floating around on their own. There was nothing connecting them, no line from dot to dot that turned them from a disconnected set of dots into a connected, meaningful and fulfilling life for me.

For a 20-something, I had it all, so to speak. And sure, I was happy (enough,) and thankful — even grateful, but under the surface, I was quietly unsettled and somehow still unseemingly incomplete.

I tried and tried to connect the dots in a way that would create meaning for me, REAL meaning of a life that mattered.

Then, it became clear to me. These were not my dots.

See that image above. That is what life looks like (and feels like) when you have all the dots, but they’re not yet connected.

Imagine removing the numbers and then trying to figure out how to connect the dots in a meaningful way. This is what it feels like when you are trying to create a life out of dots that aren’t made for you.

These dots simply cannot be connected.

If you find your dots impossible to connect, then please, please rexamine where you’re headed and make sure you are creating a life — full of connectable dots — that will bring special meaning and joy intended just for you.

And if you like your dots — if your dots make you feel safe or maybe like you’re on the right track, then having them disconnected will suffice for a while, but eventually, if you want a life that matters, a life that has meaning for you on your terms, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO CONNECT THE DOTS.
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